Yip Sheung Wai, you made me wait half a lifetime, you nitwit...
Scene 4: In A Crowded Café in San Francisco’s Fisherman’s Wharf
Her feet are killing her but CHI KAM KIU (Kingdom Yuen) wants to get up and start walking again.
‘Come on, there’s more things to see up ahead. More shops and restaurants on that side of the wharf – ’
‘Josephine, I may be your new husband but I’m no spring chicken. Give me a minute and let me finish this coffee.’
GREENY (Ram Tseung) sips his espresso, makes a face as he burns his lips.
‘Josephine, you really surprise me – ’
‘What? Underestimating me, are you? Let me tell you, my friend, there’s still a lot of zip in this old body of mine. Years and years of drudgery has made me a lean, mean, on-the-go machine …’
Greeny laughs. He has never been so happy in his life, nor so exhausted.
‘All right, we’ll go. But on one condition – one more block and then we really have to stop and get some dinner. I’m dying of hunger here! All these little cakes and pastries are not filling me up at all, I need real food!’
They pick up their bags of shopping and make a mad dash across the road.
‘Pretty, so pretty – ’ chirps Chi Kam Kiu, rummaging through stacks of trinkets and toys and T-shirts in one of the many gift shops that line Pier 39.
‘Oh no, haven’t we got enough souvenirs for everyone? Madam, have mercy – I have only two hands to carry all your shopping!’
Chi Kam Kiu giggles. She feels like a young girl again, as if she's fallen into a fountain of youth and is filled to the brim with eternal joy. She looks at Greeny, pulls a face. ‘Who asked you to say ‘I do?’ Did anybody twist your arm to say ‘I do?’ Now that you’ve said ‘I do,’ you’d better ‘do it’ – otherwise, I’ll take you to court!’
Greeny grins and fakes a sigh. ‘All right, my little wife, all right – I’ll be your slave the rest of my life. You say “jump” and I’ll say “how high?” – good enough?’
‘Shameless! Talking like this at your age! Hey, does this shirt fit Chi Yat-Po?’
She picks out another shirt for her favourite nephew. This time one that reads ‘Alcatraz 627189.’
‘Hey, Chi Yat-Po’s not going to wear that! That’s a prisoner’s shirt, no good – ’
‘Ok, you choose then – would you rather have this one instead – it says “Alcatraz Psycho Ward?”’
‘You’re right. Stick with the 627189 shirt – ’
One hour later, they finish shopping the block.
The sky is a rosy pink, the first blush of evening. It is a fitting end to a wonderful day.
It is their last evening in San Francisco. Three weeks have gone by in a flash.
Greeny picks a seafood restaurant. A cheerful-looking eatery all decked out in white and red stripes. They order Dungeness crab pasta, mussels in white wine, a large bowl of clam chowder and a big side order of Caesar’s salad.
‘Josephine – you’ve made me a very, very happy man!’
Greeny tries to hold Chi Kam Kiu’s hands but she hides them in her lap. Despite her ebullience, she is still old-fashioned. Holding hands in public is a big no-no.
Greeny wipes his glasses. When he puts them back on his nose, he is startled to find Chi Kam Kiu looking down, tears falling into her bowl of soup.
‘Josephine, Josephine – have I done something wrong? Did I hurt you – ’
Chi Kam Kiu weeps silently into her bowl of soup.
Greeny looks over his shoulders, embarrassed anyone might see them in this state.
‘Oh Josephine, I’m a stupid man. Tell me what I did wrong and I’ll stop doing it!’
She lifts her head, sniffs and wipes a hand across her nose.
‘Yes, Yip Sheung Wai, that’s what you are. Stupid. Stupid, stupid, stupid – ’
Greeny is alarmed. Surely Josephine’s not old enough to be menopausal – what’s the reason for this wild mood swing?
‘Do you know why you’re stupid?’
‘Why, my little wife, why?’
‘You’re stupid because you waited this long to make me happy – ’
‘Oh Josephine!’
‘Stupid because you made me wait half a lifetime – made me waste half a lifetime – wasted my youth – wasted my passion, my energy, my love, wasted it on somebody else while you took your own sweet time to turn up!’
‘Oh Josephine!’
It is Greeny’s turn to cry.
The waiter who brings them their salad is alarmed – ‘Sir, Madam – is there something wrong with the order? Shall I get the manager?’
Greeny sniffs loudly. He waves the waiter off. ‘Oh go away! Can’t you see we’re being exceedingly happy? Give us some privacy, will you?’
The waiter, a white guy, shakes his head. Chinese people, he'll never understand Chinese people ...
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